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Submitted on
July 16, 2012
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Run.

She stumbles blindly through the forest,
the tears racing down her cheeks.
The trees loom above and around her,
Dominating the space.
Gone are the days
Of magic
The picnics and warm summer nights.

She seeks a place to hide
to escape her mind
A nothingness where existence
Is wholly subjective
And does not include
the anxieties and troubles
and over-thinking
of human life

Oh how free, how liberating
For a mind not to constantly
be awake
depriving sleep
depriving life

The leaves in front of her blind her,
the thorns catch her skin,
Desperate for something to cling on to.
The poisonous berries hang in front of her face
Tempting her to take the final plunge
Into oblivion
And endless freedom.
First poem .. so please be kind :)
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:icontheartistofwords:
TheArtistOfWords Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I have issues believing this is your first poem, it's so amazing! Maybe the first you've published, but I would be willing to bet you have a folder or something tucked away with poetry scribbles. Brava for publishing this, it's wonderful!

You seem to keep switching beats around and it makes the flow choppy. I like it, though, it adds to the poem. I mentioned it as something to watch out for.
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:iconenchantedimagination:
EnchantedImagination Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
It honestly is my first poem! I had never written any form of literature before except for a short story about a romance during ww1 for some coursework :P i only wrote this as an author friend of mine encouraged me to do so...i thought it was rubbish but the response on here has been overwhelming! :) and so i decided to carry on writing :D regards the flow...i deliberately made it choppy as to mirror the persona's mind and thought process :D thanks again for your comment!
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:iconbelarosewolf:
BelaRoseWolf Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2012  Student Writer
Is this SERIOUSLY your first poem? 0-o If it truly is, you're AMAZING!!! Holy... Mine was probably the worst poem I've ever seen... Anyway, I love the descriptions and the possible symbolism. Incredible work, my dear! ;)
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:iconenchantedimagination:
EnchantedImagination Featured By Owner Aug 17, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Yeah it was :) Thank you so much! :D
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:iconbelarosewolf:
BelaRoseWolf Featured By Owner Aug 17, 2012  Student Writer
^^ You're welcome!
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:iconclearyourheartletgo:
ClearYourHeartLetGo Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Wow! That's really all I have to say. If this is your first poem...well you will be absolutely amazing in the future! I loved this piece. Can't wait to see more. :)
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:iconenchantedimagination:
EnchantedImagination Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much, it's comments like these which inspire me to carry on writing! I'm so glad you liked it :)
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:iconhardly-crazy:
Hardly-Crazy Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2012
I'm quite impressed!

This is your first work, you say? It's brilliant! I love how you describe both emotional and physical traits of everything, and how one can picture the scene in their head. I love how the words are broken up, giving the story a poem-like feel. I love how at the end the character seems almost caught (at least, that's how it seems to me) between leaving her physical life and having 'endless freedom' or staying and facing whatever she might be running from. I like how it leaves you hanging, how you want more. Will she take the berries? Why?

All in all, this work is AMAZING!
Keep writing! You're really good ^^
Reply
:iconenchantedimagination:
EnchantedImagination Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Yes, it was my first work :) Thank you so much, I absoluely love how this poem seems to leave such a different impression upon every reader! It's the best feeling to know that you love it :) We will never know if she takes the berries ;) Thank you so much for your comment, it means a lot to me. If you like this, check out my latest poem 'Breathless', I think you'll like that too :) (I'm not trying to be annoying by promoting myself :P) Thanks again!!!
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:iconhardly-crazy:
Hardly-Crazy Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2012
Your very welcome! :D
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